The dog licked me awake early this morning. Well, early for my slumbering house of teenagers house. And I stayed awake for the quiet.
As I type to you, snow layers the landscape out my window like fondant. I love its muting effect–on schedules, on sound. My life craves more quiet, for the love of Mike. And the end of the year always seems to hush my own soul into a more contemplative place.
The past 12 months are on my mind. What just happened? How am I different? How is my family different? What do I love? What do I hope to leave behind? How am I praying for next year?
What has God done in my family? For each of us and all of us, what does he long for?
Forget me not
In Joshua 4, the whole posse of Israel–an estimated 2 million, staggering for the time, and around the size of Greater Chicago–crossed the Jordan. And following moment, the one they waited 40 years for, Joshua stops them.
Take twelve stones from here out of the midst of the Jordan, from the very place where the priests’ feet stood firmly, and bring them over with you and lay them down in the place where you lodge tonight…
that this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord … So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever. (vv. 3, 6-7)
God knew the era of the Judges hovered around the corner: “here arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel” (2:10).
I think God knows our human propensity toward amnesia. Toward forgetting.
And maybe, like the nine lepers, toward not noticing at all.
From the rearview mirror…to the windshield
So consider performing a yearly Examen–a form of the Prayer of Examen. (Here’s a daily, printable version for families.) Essentially, it helps think through where God has been in the past year–the ways you’ve felt consolation, experiencing God’s presence; the ways you’ve experienced desolation, or things that threatened to separate you.
This particular printable examen asks questions about the last year like,
- Where have I felt the most vulnerable in my life?
- What was the area that has consumed my thinking, attention, and focus this past year (health, relationship, future, etc.)?
- What choices have I given attention to regarding my health these past twelve months?
And then, as a parent, you might find this printable, easy New Year’s goal sheet for kids interesting to talk about, fill out, and post in your house: How to Help Kids Create New Year’s Goals (FREE PRINTABLE).
Writing a year-end note to your child: 4 simple steps
My teenagers are a bit past the printable goal sheets, whether by age or their particular personalities. But this year, I decided I’d write them each a note on Christmas, tucking it in a place they’d find it.
My own hopes were these:
- To express my love for them and the value of our relationship, wherever it’s at.
- To witness what God’s been doing in them the last year, particularly the ways they inched toward maturity.
- To call out ways I see them uniquely expressing God’s image.
- To cheer them on in pursuing him.
Now, I’m a writer, so you could either think, “Man, it’s just easier for her,” or, “Hey, you do this for a living. Got tips?” Or both.
Don’t be scared, now
- Don’t be intimidated by this. You could certainly type out a version of your note to your child and then handwrite it. (Handwriting, IMO, can be more meaningful and keepsake-worthy, but don’t let that keep you from writing one or making a typewritten one that’s better).
- You could also limit yourself to a notecard. Anyone can write four sentences, right? Or, if you’re married, ask your spouse for help on what you might say. (Fair warning: An writers’ adage advises, “It’s easier to be long than short.”)
- If your relationship feels a bit broken with your child, this is a chance to reach out to them in sincerity, and maybe even with an apology or repentance on your part.
- If your child is young, you know how to talk with them in ways they understand.
- Or if they’re very young, consider writing this to place in their baby book or photo album, where they can read it when they’re older.
So let’s break it down. Grab some quick tips to write a year-end note to your child that they might keep in their room, or their heart, for longer than you think.
Open your note to your child with what you value about your relationship. Consider referencing a few memories you made together.
For example–make it sound like you:
Wanted to make sure I let you know how much I’ve loved watching you grow this year.
From [reference memory 1] to [reference memory 2], we’ve laughed a lot and talked about a lot. And I’m so thankful for the ways we’ve…
Reflect the ways they’ve grown.
Hopefully it goes without saying, but avoid the underhanded insult or subtle homily–some version of You’ve really grown past your sarcasm, and [at last] listened to God about your potty mouth.
Question. How are you delighting in your child right now?
As I reflected in When It’s Hard to Enjoy Your Child, I remember a time as an adult when I felt misunderstood and alienated by the world at large. A photo of me with my mom reminded me I brought delight to someone when I felt like could give nothing.
We carry a unique position as their parents to express our delight in our kids. And there’s a certain extent to which God shows us delight isn’t always earned. That covenant love looks for delight when delight is hard.
When it comes to your note to your child, think about these:
- What can I appreciate about how my child has changed–however small?
- Moses asked God to show Moses his glory (Exodus 33:18). Ask God to show you how he’s been working in your child. If you’re struggling to appreciate or see any “fruit,” or currently are praying for a prodigal (I like this month-long version), see this as an opportunity to hunt down and offer God worship for the things he has done, is doing, in your child.
- What positive moments do you remember in the last year? Why were they positive?
Use this note to your child to talk about the ways you see God in them.
How are your child’s strengths–even if they’re totally different from yours–growing into his image, his unique workmanship in them?
Ephesians 2:10 explains, “We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” That word workmanship is translated from the Greek poiema, which is where we also derive the English word poem.
If God were expressing himself in poem through your child, what would the world see? His strength, his attention to detail, his drive, his wonder, his courage and advocacy?
Express what you can’t wait to see in your child over the next year.
In your note to your child, walk that razor edge between courageously calling them into what God has for them…and (oops) sermonizing.
I hope this next year finds you leaning even more into God’s Word and all he longs for in you.
Or, I hope 2024 finds you even more “set[ting] the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). I’ll be cheering you on.
I have no doubt God will be working in your powerfully this next year.
End with expressing your unconditional love for your child. This affirms your note to your child wasn’t about your agenda, but about your overflowing affection.
See? You’ve got this. Even if you boil this down to a few simple sentences or even just a purposeful conversation, keep calling your child “further up, further in.” And in your own love, give them a template for God’s covenant love.
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