One of my favorite recent additions to our house: An invisible fence to keep our adorable, occasionally obnoxious puppy from
- running after our local deer infestation.
- pursuing other dogs and unsuspecting passersby.
- getting another person’s dog knocked up in the future.
- being flattened by a vehicle.
- annoying or alarming the new guests at the VRBO next door. To be clear, he’s ten pounds, so not a huge threat, literally or metaphorically.
- indulging his insatiable curiosity and appetite for exploration to the point he can’t find his way back.
In short, our fence protects charming, tuna-and-gym-socks-loving little Charlie from himself.
It’s got me thinking about the ways we love our kids through boundaries.
Meet your invincible fence
A friend of mine who works closely and compassionately with the LGBT community says he teaches his own little girls about the Sabbath–that God’s boundaries for us are good.
In his words, observing the Sabbath is a chance to eventually show his girls God’s good boundaries on our sexuality.
Think of my cute, unsuspecting little dog, who my kids adore: Veering out of the boundary can only mean bad news for Charlie and everyone who really cares about him.
Outside of the boundary could mean he’s lost, taken, or squashed.
He can’t see that, and couldn’t see that the first (and only) time he got zapped. My brain is a lot bigger than Charlie’s. The experience and understanding I’ve gained of what lies beyond the fence for cute, ornery little dogs is so vast, he could never comprehend it.
My assessment of what’s good and what’s dangerous is a lot broader, wiser, and more developed than Charlie’s.
So me snapping on his receiver-collar is pretty non-negotiable, no matter how much he bites my hand.
In Deuteronomy 5:15, God reminds the people to keep the Sabbath because his people aren’t slaves anymore.
I read, You guys don’t have to work your tails off anymore. You are a loved people, a fought-for people. Choose rest. Choose my boundary because I love you and you can trust me.
To make the best boundaries–
See, my invisible fence wouldn’t stand a chance if Charlie didn’t trust us.
Charlie knows us as the source of his favorite munchy bones, cuddles, squeaker toys, kids who can match his rambunctiousness, etc.
Pastor Kempton Turner explains that when it comes to horses, many ranchers find “feasts” far more effective than fences. Well nourished horses enjoying a robust buffet of thick pasture just aren’t as tempted by what lies beyond the fence.*
Or you could say, when your kids experience the Sabbath as a wonderful day, or God’s other boundaries as loving, they get another taste that God is good (Psalm 34:8). That substitutions don’t hold a candle.
As far as sexuality goes, this falls in line with Hebrews 13:4’s reminder for all of us to honor the marriage bed–to talk about God’s plan for the delicious delight it is, rather than just warning our kids, or our dogs, to stay away from the fence.
(Which is not unlike saying, “Don’t press the big red button, kids.”)
I was a good Christian kid, raised in the church and lathered in vital discussions of sexuality, peer pressure, and well-considered dating standards. Those were critical in shaping me toward steadfastness and sexual faithfulness.
Yet inwardly (and well within the range of normal), I longed so much for approval, for validation of who I was. Insecurity led to flirtatiousness and gaps I longed to have occupied by guys.
When kids are starving for who they are, their identity could undermine all our desires for their sexual integrity.
Boundaries: Helping kids trust the fence
So maybe helping our kids trust this invisible God means talking with our kids genuinely about the ways we’ve experienced God as good, and the provisions we’re authentically grateful for.
If you have pets, you might talk with your kids about why your boundaries are so good for your pets–like even taking them to the vet–and how that parallels God’s care.
Maybe it means talking about a way that you’re choosing to stay within one of his boundaries, because you trust him. Even when, like me, you may not get it, and may sense the human equivalent of a squirrel taunting you by name and with feeling outside the boundaries.
This week, may you sense, see, and show the love in your invisible fence.
Like this post? You might like
Love Says No: How Boundaries Express True Care
When God Says “No” (for now): FREE printable
*Kempton Turner, “Pure Pleasure: The Battle for Sexual Purity,” The Gospel Coalition, 2020.
