Okay, yes, I am this big Enneagram 2, and I am frequently caught “two-ing” in my family—overfunctioning like a crazy person, sublimating any needs of my own, etc.
But I also have this monstrous, flapping-larger-than-my-triceps 3-wing. Which means, for all of you unfamiliar with enneagram-speak, that I am an achiever. Goal-setting can fill my sails (…to the point of what we’ll call “Christian workaholism”).
If you’re genuinely hoping for some questions to better your parenting and your kids in 2022, perhaps check out 31 Questions to Help you Be a Better Parent (which I wrote for FamilyLife.com).
User Warning: Read This First
So you could look at today’s list like that: As some Americanized endeavor, targeting behaviors and attitudes as if I have more control than I do.
But really, I want us to, in the words of author and therapist Aundi Kolber, try softer on this one.
Maybe, like me, New Year’s is a little hard for you because last year was hard. Maybe your capacity, or just your hope for your child, feels paper-thin.
So hear this, please, friends. These questions are to meditate a little on your kids and their needs: To hold them before God and say, Here. Can you help me?
Can we talk about them and who you want them to be?
What are you doing in them? How can I work alongside you in what you’re doing?
What do I need to set aside, so I’m not just holding up a pattern of the ideal child…but rather watching the story you’re creating in my child—this one you knit together in their mother’s womb?
“Hold Them in God’s Presence and Listen”
I am…careful about how I use prayer lists. Now, as I sit quietly in God’s presence daily, I see who God brings to mind and heart. As they come into my awareness, I invite them into that place where God’s Spirit and my spirit are communing, and we sit together with that person. If I have a list or if there are people and concerns weighing on me, I bring those, too, and we sit together with them. I don’t feel burdened by the need to figure anything out or to say words that indicate that I somehow have a handle on the situation. It is enough to share the love, the rest and the care of God with them in this way.
If words do come or if there is something that I want to ask for, I certainly feel free to say this to God, but there is no pressure to do so. Most times there is nothing for me to do or say except to hold the people and situations that are of concern to me in God’s presence and listen.*
I should acknowledge first that Ruth’s approach here flirts with a more mystical spirituality that some of you might find uncomfortable.
But if you are able to set that aside, here is what I hear her doing: She loves people in prayer, and presents them to God’s presence in a way that I somehow imagine Jesus interceding for me or my kids.
Questions to Seek God’s Heart for Your Kids in 2022
So don’t let these questions sideline you.
Maybe you won’t come away with a clear goal, or a “word” from God like some of your friends do. Maybe you’ll be set up to listen for awhile longer, piecing together what God shows you as you watch.
Because yes, it’s tremendously helpful to have a plan moving forward with your kids in 2022. But more important than that is a responsive heart, a heart that doesn’t turn God on and off like a kitchen faucet, but rather welcomes awareness of him in a steady stream, showing up as he moves in our kids.
(Even late at night when Hulu is calling our names, am I right?)
Start here.
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- What are a few major events in this child’s life in this past year? (Think from your child’s perspective: Getting braces? Losing a pet? Shifts in friendship? If you’re not sure—grab an hour out together and ask!)
- Think about where your child is at physically, intellectually, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and otherwise. What are major happenings in their life in their present and the upcoming year? How do you imagine God’s working in these?
- What gaps in your child’s development are capturing your attention most right now? Are those concerns occupying the appropriate degree of priority right now?
- In what ways has God been writing your child’s spiritual story this past year? How do you see him shaping them?
- Take time to chew on this and thank God for what you see and ways you see him working–even if (especially if?) your child’s current unfinished ending feels discouraging or frightening. This is a time to acknowledge God’s presence around and care for your child.
- In what ways do you see God’s image in your child emerging? How does your child reflect who he is? Take time to thank God for these!
- What concerns you about your child? How does God respond to those fears? What hopes do you have for your child right now?
- Which discussions would it be good to have with your child—for which you could be looking for an opening? (Are there ways you need to ask your child’s forgiveness?) What discussions do you want to have with a spouse, friend, and/or someone invested in your child?
- Which Scriptures could God be bringing to mind about your child what he’s working in them?
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- What is God doing in you as a parent right now? What is God impressing on you that he longs for you to hear and surrender to?
Make no mistake: He is perfect in all of his ways. May your time together with him light up your awareness to his presence in and around your kids in 2022.
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