What are you looking for?

Last week, I rubbed shoulders with an old friend:

Guilt.

In a group, someone mentioned how we need to keep encouraging our families to sit around the table with God’s Word. This is when guilt’s bony hand rested on my shoulder. Because though my family does engage around the Bible, it’s not cracking open our Bibles with notebooks around the table.

When I attempt anything close to this, you could hear my teenagers’ sighs across a football field. The rolling eyeballs threaten to pop out onto their dinner plates.

And that’s the thing: I don’t want to check a box. I want my kids to really engage in their faith. But out of my four kids, I have zero people-pleasers, zero rule-followers, zero achievers. 

What I do have: opinionated teens. (Um. Do they make another kind?)

That’s why I was pleased when, after guilt visited me that day, I landed on something that worked when I Googled how to engage teens in the Bible. (Yes, I really did.)

It told me something I already know: Teens like engaging around hot topics–not studying. (#Mindblown)

“Tell me what you think.”

Of course if you’re headed this direction, the trick is to find conversation starters for teens that reach a little higher than, “Who’s your favorite celebrity?”

So I took a cue from Axis’ Culture Translator last week, which hits my inbox every Friday.  Because apparently they know I’m busy, they plop in three things I should know about my kids’ world, plus some slang parents should know, and a few conversation starters for teens.

My kids don’t know about everything mentioned, but sometimes hits the spot (like when it told me about “Wandavision” on Disney+) or gives me something to laugh about with my daughter (like the Kardashians attempting to scrub an untouched photo of Khloe from the internet this week. My girl smirked. “Oh, no! A photo of what I really look like!”)

Last week, they  suggested posing this question: “How should we respond to people who have been hurt by the church?”

So during dinner, I asked my kids. And guess what? The whole family talked for about half an hour, and touched on other thoughtful topics, too.

The Ground Rules for Conversation Starters for Teens

So I’m scribbling out some conversation starters for teens for all of us to broach in the next few weeks, in honor of occasionally uncomfortable conversations worth having. Some of these get into some inflamed territory, so choose your own adventure. (Just choose it wisely and thoughtfully, m’kay?)

Perhaps it goes without saying, but set aside agendas like “I must incorporate as much Scripture as I can” or “I must make sure my child thinks rightly about this right now. There can be no delay!” Kids sneak out “hidden” parental agendas like we pick out the kid who forgot the Speed Stick.

But depending on your kid, it’s totally okay to tack on, “Bonus if you can back up your opinion with actual Bible verses. Go.” 

The idea is to start a conversation, not stop it—to find out where are kids are at. Creating safe emotional space to explore ethical issues. Gently sharing our reasoning when kids are open. Praying for them. Trusting the Holy Spirit to shape our kids’ hearts in his perfect time.

(If you find yourself talking more than listening…stop.)

Wanna give it a try? There’s enough to keep you going for a month or two. (I couldn’t stop myself.)

31 Conversation Starters for Teens to Take Things to the Next Level

1. What do you think people often misunderstand about your generation?
2. What do you think people often misunderstand about you?
3. Tell me about someone who, when you got to know them, changed how you thought about people like them, or even made you ask a question about something you believed.
4. What kind of people make the best listeners?
5. Say a friend comes to you. They or their girlfriend are pregnant. How do you help?
6. What do you think about photoshopped social media?
7. Talk to me about people you admire right now, and what really draws your respect.
8. What do you think are great qualities to look for in a spouse?
9. Do you think people should get married young?
10. What do you think people misunderstand about God?

11. What do you think Christians do that’s alienating to other people?

12. What’s one thing you hope to do differently when you’re a parent? (The catch: You also need to tell me two things you think I do well.)
13. How do you think the Church should respond to the LGBTQ+ population? What do you see some Christians doing right–and what are some missing right now?
14. How would you recommend helping a friend who’s depressed?
15. What qualities put a person in your “do not date” list?
16. For what, if any, remarks should a public figure be “canceled”?
17. Do you think marijuana should be legalized?
18. What do you wish people could understand in gender equality discussions?
19. What do you think is going wrong–and going right–with discussions about race right now?
20. When are you most tempted to fake who you really are?
21. What do you like about our church–and what would you change?

22. What’s one thing you want or wish for that you’re not sure will happen?

23. What’s God been doing in you lately?
24. What quality is hardest to understand when you see it in a person? What does this tell you about yourself?
25. Eric Liddel’s movie character […might have to explain who this is] is known for saying, “When I run, I feel God’s pleasure.” What are you doing when you sense God’s pleasure in you?
26. When you get to heaven, what are some questions you hope to ask God?
27. Name three adjectives you wish you were, but aren’t yet.
28. Describe yourself in five words. Go.

29. At what times in your life have you felt closest to God–or when do you feel closest to God now?

30. What’s one lie you find yourself believing–but that’s hard to shake? How did it get in your head?
31. What are the best ways to share Jesus without being weird?

Your turn.

I’d love to hear from you on this.

How do you get into deeper conversations with your teens? How do you engage them around the word of God? (And tell me: Did these questions work for your family?)

Keep pressing in.

Like this post? You might like

Guest post: God of My Heartbreak: Teaching Teens to Pray

Tweens, teens, control–and having my kids’ heart

Questions for a Closer Marriage (FREE PRINTABLE)

Walking with Kids through Church Hurt