Since dating over two decades ago, my husband and I have never not been in ministry. It’s assumed various avatars and levels of formality. And most of it? I love. I love my ministry marriage.
But I grinned without malice as my introverted husband headed to his elder meeting. “Make sure they know how valuable your words are, because you won’t have any left when you get home.”
Yet for many people, ministry marriage is complicated.
I feel like there’s a third person in this relationship. And it’s the entire Church. Sometimes I’m not sure whether I’m the first wife or the second.
I wish on Christmas, we could just have our family’s Christmas rather than three months of prep for three services.
I feel so much respect for all the ways she loves people…but then she comes home. And she’s an entirely different person.
#Ministryexhaustion means we haven’t slept together in months.
To be clear: Ministry marriage has its own DNA of perks–and its own dangers to avoid like a stranger who mentions they can’t smell or taste anything right now.
Typically, I don’t mind giving from my marriage to outside ministry. I’m happy to share! Yet that flexibility and generosity flow best when marriage and ministry work as a team—not as competitors.
If we’re not careful, we speak God’s love “out there”–but it falls flat with the people we care about the most. For FamilyLife.com, I’ve written an article to help those of us muddling through these complexities. It’s called Ministry Marriage: Perks to Love, Dangers to Fight.
Like money or sex or time, ministry can work in tandem with your relationship. Or against it. Want to hop over and take a look?
Because the health of your ministry marriage really does matter–even if no one else experiences it but you.
Like this post? You might like
- Deep(ly) Fried, Part I: Burnout
- The Stressed Version of Your Marriage
- Questions for a Closer Marriage (FREE PRINTABLE)
2 Comments
Bruce Gledhill - 4 years ago
So well stated, thank you. For us, the longer we stayed in ministry the harder it became to keep the right priority for our marriage. As one stays in ministry over time, people seem to more and more associate you with that role and thus put more and more expectations on you. We are retired now, but our prayers remain with all who are still serving!
Janel - 4 years ago
Also well-spoken here, Bruce. I think the longer ministry goes on, the more patterns become embedded that are hard to break–though the consequences, if they’re unhealthy, become greater. Grateful you and your wife get to spend some more quality time together now. Always thankful for your warm words!