Someone asked me recently how I talk to my daughter about modesty. It was a conversation morphing into how to help our daughters see their bodies as important, but not too important. (See this post, Naked Truth about Body Image.)
Incessantly telling her she’s beautiful—though I honestly believe she is–doesn’t seem to be the answer: “Don’t worry about looking beautiful. You’ve got that one down!”
Do I want her to rely on her beauty, knowing someday she’ll devolve like the rest of us into paunchy middle age, or crows’ feet, or perhaps a limp?
But when she inevitably asks, “Am I beautiful?”—do I want her to seek out someone who’ll please-oh-please tell her yes?
The Body-Image Wish
I wish I could tell you body image is an area where I’m victorious. That I am my daughter’s most positive role model. (That would be very cool.)
But she’s getting more than my genes.
It’s pretty sobering to hear the research: My daughter will get a lot of her thoughts about body image from me (check out Christianity Today’s “Feeling Loved by God Buffers Body Esteem in Men More Than Women”).
But when I read that recently? I was still concerned.
I’m worried I leak. That despite all the ways I try-try-try to help my girl circumvent my issues, a lot more is caught than taught.
Me, with the history of the near-eating disorder in college.
Me, with the double-digits dress size that makes me cringe a little inside. (Or a lot, depending on the day.) Who envisions how great it would be to live a love-handle free life.
Me, with the easy self-deprecation.
What Women Can Do: Start Here
My daughter’s answers to “Am I beautiful?” can redefine beauty by the One who creates and defines beauty. Together, she and I can rewrite what is loud and hard to forget–and often untruthful–about beauty and our bodies.
Friends, let’s affirm primarily other qualities in our daughters and other women (especially sisters in Christ) than the way we look. (“Oh, hi! You look so cute!”) Let’s perpetuate truth as fierce as the airbrushed lies.
Affirm to your daughter, too, the beauty of God’s plan for her body, no matter its geometric shape or age. Let’s cultivate our girls’ deep trust in God and his perfect plan for our bodies.
Let our daughters’ inheritance be unwavering truth, unconditional love.
PRINT THIS HERE. (And maybe share it with your daughter, praying through it together.)
