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Confession: Sometimes my own view of women hamstrings me.

Some of you are shocked, and maybe a little offended, I would ask this question because your inner answer is, Of course.

Some of you are shocked because you’re wondering where I will stand in Christian culture, if perhaps in my past I have burned a bra. I’m also a little curious what I will say.

Sometimes I can think of God as wanting women to be strong, but not too strong. 

strong women

A Woman Who Shattered the Mold

The other day, I read to both my twelve-year-old daughter and my youngest son the story of Deborah, Barak, and Jael, from Judges 5. I read it to my daughter because I wanted her to see some strong biblical women.

I read it to my son because it’s gross in that cool way boys love, I like reading my sons stories of strong women, and I want him to love the fierceness adventure of God in the Bible. (After this, we read the story of Eglon, which is also a perfectly disgusting and heroic story for boys.)

The story of Deborah fascinates me, though, because Deborah is so stinkin’ strong and unapologetic. She’s commanding this army general (Barak) to actually do what God’s telling him and herd up 10,000 warriors to go against the enemy general, Sisera.

Barak’s too freaked out to do it without Deborah. So Deborah says she’ll go with him–but God will give the glory to a woman, not to him.

She’s right; the army is routed. General Sisera, as only a military commander can do, takes off.

He tries to hide out in Jael’s tent. But after schmoozing him with a meal and a blanket, she plants a tent peg through his temple. If this were a movie, they would pan the camera away for that part.

So that happened.

Your Mom Did What?

But if you read the song of Deborah and Barak afterward, this is what I like: I, Deborah, rose as a mother in Israel…

These are the adjectives I scrawled to describe this “mother”, based on Judges 4-5:

  • boldness
  • courage
  • mightiness
  • “charging the hill”
  • confidence
  • perseverance
  • charisma (?)
  • unshaken trust
  • decisiveness
  • leadership

Um. Do these describe my motherhood? I definitely  “charge the hill” when it comes to laundry. I am certainly bold when my child leaves a peach pit on the coffee table. I’m decisive when I want kids to do their chores.

But at least for me, as a woman, fear is much more alluring.

I wonder about Jael–about whether she was hyper-respirating, like I would be, or if she hesitated while she held the mallet in the moment Before. But she’s praised for her action: “Most blessed be Jael,” the song afterward goes. (Liability note: This blog is not suggesting nor will be held responsible if you kill someone with a tent peg, no matter how evil you believe them to be. Go use your tent pegs for campouts.)

Every one of us does motherhood differently. But note this. Being a woman of God didn’t mean Deborah shied away from developing bold leadership.

women strong

Female, Christian, and a Boss

If you’ve taken the Enneagram, you might have heard the joke that all Christian woman are miraculously 2’s: helpers whose identity is wrapped up in give-the-blouse-off-your-back sacrifice.

But I’ve talked to at least one Christian, female 8–who God also created with intention. (See Do our churches prefer certain personality types?) Enneagram 8’s can be described like this:

self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self-mastering, they use their strength to improve others’ lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring. [source: The Enneagram Institute]

Just speculating, I hear Deborah all over that.

But don’t give yourself an out, ladies, if you’re not an 8.

Strong: Better than Prada

The Proverbs 31 woman is decisive, too, and protective, making decisions about real-estate, running her own business, crazy-industrious and perceptive. She’s a bit of a warrior-woman all on her own: “Strength and dignity are her clothing” (v. 25); “her arms are strong for her tasks” (v. 17).

We can’t let even evangelical stereotypes suck this out of God’s definition of womanhood.

I still fully believe and choose to arrange my life in what I believe to be God’s order, placing myself beneath (Greek: hupotasso) my husband’s authority. (And I actually prefer to have him bear the primary weight of responsibility for our home.)

But remember the Hebrew word for “helper” in the Garden of Eden, ezer, is then used to describe God, God’s Spirit, and military allies in the rest of the Old Testament.

This person is a military ally (see this post for both genders on Ideas to Be Your Spouse’s Wingman). She’s not particularly dainty, doesn’t use her role in the authority structure to hide in passivity, to avoid confrontation or conflict.

Hear Me Roar?

I think sometimes I get strength wrong. Women get strength wrong.

I like that Deborah and Jael’s strength was for God and his purposes. It wasn’t so they could reach purposes of selfish ambition or conceit (Philippians 2:3-4).

It wasn’t because they needed to prove something or that they were above someone else.

It wasn’t so they could say You’re not the boss of me.

I tell my oldest son, who at 15, has shoulders are expanding by inches right now–that God has given him power in order to protect and care for others. It’s not for him to use his power to better get what he wants.

The ethos of the kingdom of God is one where the greatest among you is your servant.

And in this way, women don’t pursue leadership or strength or power to dominate, any more than men should. Courage, from Joan of Arc to Mother Teresa, is for a chance to wash someone’s feet (John 13:14). To do what is gross and exhausting and loving and beautiful.

Friends, find your inner lion.

 

Click here for another important post: On God and the Dreams of Women