Like most American women, I am a total sucker for rom-coms and TV drama with a smattering of romance. Who doesn’t love someone being swept off their feet, and laughing at all the stupid ways it goes wrong? Even after 18 years of marriage, I still love…love. Plus, there’s this (usually false?) idea that you’re getting a glimpse of the private stuff we never talk about.
As a writer and real person, I like to think myself immune from the illusions of a perfect husband. When a guy delivers an ingenious, sentimental line, I sometimes imagine the scriptwriter scrawling on a legal pad, grinning because she got it just right. (And if he’s saying something just right from a woman’s perspective, there’s a decent chance the scriptwriter was female.)
But a podcast recently pointed out something else to me. In Hollywood, couples–even married ones–don’t usually have a ton of needed lead time to…well. To get it on (fade to black).
The podcaster said this gives men the idea that if they’re studly enough, a woman won’t need a ton of anticipation time. (Strangely, her fictional children and/or fictional job and/or fictional commute and/or fictional bake sale hasn’t drained her one bit. Let’s go!)
But doesn’t this also apply to females? How often do we get the idea that our husbands are ready at the drop of a hat? How often do we think that if we’re attractive enough, our husbands will deliver the right line, and respond just like Matthew McConaghey and his entourage of scriptwriters and directors? (Spoiler: Even that scene probably took five takes.)
We’re thinking, Where did this guy go to man-school?
Ahem. I think you forgot your line?
Lack of Romance=Lack of Love?
So let me write it out for all of us. When your mate doesn’t respond like you thought they should, and fails to read your mind like anyone else who watches these movies all the time, it is not a testament to your lack of attractiveness.
It’s probably more an indication that both of you are human. And maybe even that you love each other.
It might be a signal that one of you went to work today, took care of children or wrestled with them, cooked some food, took the car to the shop, paid some bills, and generally did the beautiful and unremarkable stuff of everyday love. Neither one of you may have picked up a bouquet of flowers or daydreamed with a sigh or sent a sexy text or uttered the other person’s love language.
It might be a sign that Hollywood bumped your expectations a teensy bit above realistic-and-agreed-upon.
Obviously romance is great for any marriage. (If you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, here are a few ideas to remember where you put it.) But as an indicator of devotion? Your own attractiveness? Meh. Good, faithful guys are the new sexy.
