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Sending cards.

Around his birthday last year, I mentioned to my husband the number of people who’d wished him a warm HBD on Facebook. My daughter, listening, asked if he’d received a lot of cards. “I used to get a lot. But people don’t do that much anymore,” he shrugged.

We’ve all got more than enough to do–and plenty of “shoulds”, right? I’m truly not wanting to add more. But I’ve found writing notes actually makes me…happier.

It makes sense. Harvard Health reports,

Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people…

When their week’s assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month. (emphasis added)

One of my mom’s legacies, I’m convinced, is the prolific nature with which she sends greeting cards–to my family, included. She left a thank you note for my daughter after staying in her room over the holidays. She sent a note when our dog died. She occasionally slips in one to let me know she’s praying for me, or that she’s proud of me.

It’s easier than you’d think.

My hope is to get a few more postcards in the mail to my nieces and nephews this year.

 

Hospitality, deconstructed.

So in keeping with scientific evidence–a study once found that when people ate popcorn while watching a movie, they actually reported higher levels of enjoyment of the movie. (Big surprise: Food makes us like things more.) Food is a spectacular wheel-greaser for relationships.

We know the early church “devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (Acts 2:42). There are tons of references to hospitality as hallmarks of what following Jesus looks like.

Maybe it’s because we’re the ones welcomed in with open arms, just as we are.

But there’s ballet. A late night at work. Soccer practice. Homework. Church stuff. It’s hard to find time to just…be together.

Usually when we speak of hosting people, we’re counseled by those who would have us prepare the perfect cheese tray or build a sparkling centerpiece with coordinated dishware. Which in my mind…can miss the point of hospitality a little. It’s great to honor people with a “prepared place”! But it’s so easy for me to shift into Impress Your Friends mode.

I contrast this with our family’s visits to our African friend Monica, who lived in a lower-income area of Kampala. She and her daughters lived in a single room separated by a sheet partition. She served likely our simplest meal with friends ever–and yet was among the most honoring of the times we’ve shared dinner with someone. You’ve gotta read her story. (And here are more easy ideas on helping kids grow in real hospitality–not the “here’s how to make your family look fantastic” kind.)

Ideas:

  • Use paper plates.
  • Swallow your embarrassment over the mess, and have someone over last-minute.
  • Serve a one-pot meal, like something for the slow-cooker, or a pot of chili.
  • Allow your guest to contribute a dish.
  • Serve a simple dessert (if you feel like dessert is needed), like ice cream sundaes or brownies.
  • Grab 8 more ideas about relationships with a little less mascara here.

Because relationships are too important to be overshadowed by showmanship.

Face to face conversation.

In my first post-college position as a project manager, my boss gave me wise advice: Always get the closest degree of interpersonal communication you can.

That meant that while it might have saved time zipping over an email to a colleague or even making a phone call rather than schlepping across the office–we honor someone’s humanity with every incremental degree to which we show up in person.

Call rather than text. Phone rather than email. And whenever you can, get face-to-face.

You already know a significant portion (some estimate 70%) is nonverbal. Imagine how much can be misunderstood by subtracting 70%! Even if you’re a gifted communicator, words are never the same as seeing someone before your eyes. You’re communicating the emotion and value that only physical presence can afford. And that’s no matter how many emojis you’ve got at your disposal.

God sent himself into our mess, in the flesh (John 1:14).

So:

  • Have a basket inside your door for depositing phones.
  • Keep having dinner together.
  • Before you and your husband flip open books or screens at night, have a few minutes earmarked for connection time.
  • If it helps, make social goals for yourself just as you do with your career. Could you try to meet with one friend a week for coffee?

Healthline reports that social media “depression, anxiety, poorer sleep quality, lower self-esteem, inattention, and hyperactivity” in teens. Furthermore, says a new study,

“What we found overall is that if you use less social media, you are actually less depressed and less lonely, meaning that the decreased social media use is what causes that qualitative shift in your well-being,” said Jordyn Young, a co-author of the paper and a senior at the University of Pennsylvania.

Americans are more isolated, and young people in particular are more lonely--finding more quantitative but less qualitative interactions in social media. We statistically have less confidantes than ever. 

What stands between you and more real, fulfilling relationships?

And what could be waiting on the other side?

 

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